Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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