umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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