I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
third nipple confirmed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
