What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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