Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
