I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
