I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
