we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
