i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
