Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
