Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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