please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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