I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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