Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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