Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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