She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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