There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
