You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
