Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
