You can't special order awesome
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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