how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize