Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
