Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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