He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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