oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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