why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
