If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if only i could text you this smell
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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