Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
