you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
