If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
