I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
