remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
