I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
