Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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