If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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