im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
