i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
