On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
