Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
