I look better un-naked...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
