You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
