You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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