Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
