Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
