Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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