I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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