about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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