You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
