your thong is hanging out like whoa
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
