I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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