so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
