apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
