there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
