just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
