I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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