my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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