I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
