just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
