hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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