I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bring me that man meat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
