FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
