So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
