Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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