i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We need to get me chipped asap
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
