Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
